Dare To Be Average: An Addiction Conversation with Ken Wells and Joe Polish #196

Embracing Failure and Challenges:

• Ken talks about the common human experience of fear, shame, and failure.
• Examples from successful individuals like Tom Brady and Mickey Mantle who faced failure despite their remarkable achievements.
• Ken Wells emphasizes the importance of connecting with and working through negative emotions.

Redefining Average as Personal Brilliance:

• The conversation shifts to redefining the term “average” as a way to tap into personal brilliance.
• Ken Wells explains how embracing the commonplace and mundane can lead to finding meaning and personal brilliance.
• The distinction between escaping challenges and confronting them to discover personal spirituality.

Addiction, Pain, and Personal Growth:

• Discuss the ways addicts often choose to avoid confronting challenges and pain through various means like addiction or escapism.
• Joe draws a parallel with Bill W’s quote about alcoholics trying to drink God out of a bottle.
• Exploration of the idea that personal growth and spirituality come from facing challenges and finding brilliance within oneself.

Embracing Vulnerability and Sharing Personal Brilliance:

• The importance of embracing vulnerability and sharing personal brilliance with others.
• Acknowledgment that even successful people have pain and challenges they struggle with.
• Joe highlights the concept of “sick as your secrets” and the power of opening up.

• Embracing the everyday, confronting challenges, finding personal brilliance within oneself, and embracing vulnerability.
• Embrace the concept of “average” and seek personal growth through meaningful experiences.

Defining Addiction and Its Complexities:

• Ken Wells begins by defining addiction as a pathological relationship to a mood-altering experience that results in life-damaging consequences.
• The conversation highlights how addiction goes beyond substance abuse and can manifest in various forms, including behavioral addictions like workaholism.
• Ken shares his personal journey of recovery from sexual addiction and workaholism, emphasizing that addiction is an attempt to soothe pain.

The Role of Deprivation and Intimacy:

• Ken discusses how deprivation often fuels addictive behavior, leading individuals to seek out substances or behaviors that provide temporary relief.
• The concept of intimacy is explored, with a focus on its importance in addressing addictive tendencies.
• Joe and Ken explore the idea that addiction, regardless of the substance or behavior, is an attempt to fill a void created by a lack of connection and intimacy.

Breaking the Cycle of Shame:

• Joe prompts Ken to define shame, emphasizing its impact on people’s lives and how it often remains unrecognized.
• Ken offers his perspective on shame, describing it as a powerful, isolating force that prevents individuals from experiencing true connection.
• The conversation transitions to how addiction and shame are interlinked, leading to a vicious cycle that’s challenging to break.

From Escaping to Embracing Authenticity:

• Ken talks about the societal stigma surrounding addiction and how individuals often resist identifying as addicts due to shame.
• The role of workaholism is explored as a socially accepted addiction, often used to escape pain or feelings of inadequacy.
• Joe and Ken discuss the importance of embracing vulnerability and authenticity as key steps toward healing and breaking free from addiction.

Unconditional Confidence and Finding Meaningfulness:

• Ken introduces the concept of unconditional confidence, drawing inspiration from Buddhist teachings and the analogy of facing ocean waves.
• Finding meaningfulness in life by being present and authentic, regardless of external achievements.
• Ken shares his admiration for Joe’s authenticity and soulfulness, highlighting the power of genuine connection in breaking free from shame and addiction.

Embracing Authentic Peace Amidst Struggles:

• Ken Wells reflects on the journey of transformation, stating that embracing vulnerability and authenticity brings genuine peace.
• The opposite impact of workaholism, which often masks pain and prevents true connection and peace.
• Ken emphasizes the importance of practicing unconditional confidence to navigate life’s challenges.

Transforming Shame into Compassion:

• Ken shares the nature of shame, describing it as a powerful force that can be harnessed for positive change.
• He explains how shame can be transformed by separating it from one’s personhood and placing it on behaviors, leading to self-compassion.
• The wisdom of Pema Chödrön on compassion, recognizing shared humanity, and breaking free from shame.

Redirecting Negative Energies and Pursuing Authenticity:

• The conversation explores redefining negative emotions like anger and shifting their energy toward constructive outcomes.
• The importance of consistent practice and conditioning to create positive change and growth.
• Ken encourages listeners to find their brilliance in ordinary life experiences and embrace authenticity, allowing for self-discovery and transformation.

Overcoming Challenges through Vulnerability and Support:

• Ken and Joe discuss the value of addressing discomfort and vulnerability openly within a trusted circle.
• Joe suggests that the misconception of needing to hit rock bottom to seek help is false, advocating for early intervention and personal growth.
• Reflections on how addiction-related discussions can resonate with a wide range of individuals, whether directly impacted or indirectly through relationships.

Enhancing Destiny and Embracing Discomfort:

• Joe expresses his passion for helping people understand and overcome addiction’s challenges and highlights the benefits of embracing discomfort.
• He shares his sense of urgency to help people navigate through their struggles and suffering.
• Joe acknowledges the impact of the Genius Network in supporting personal transformation, including Ken’s contributions to addiction recovery.

Resources

• Dare to Be Average: Finding Brilliance in the Commonplace by Ken Wells
• Unconditional Confidence: Instructions for Meeting Any Experience with Trust and Courage by ​​Pema Chödrön
• ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction – from Childhood Through Adulthood by Ned Hallowell
• Genius Network Event
• Genius Recovery Blog